and most of all....

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. Always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you a huge part of my life, wasting time on you, depending on you, thinking about you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, changing for you. And most of all, for not hating you when I know that I should...

....

Though I'd do all the same if I had to...

PS: The answer turned out to be positive.