ببین عزیز من! دختر من! وقتی میری سر کار جدید و از همون روز اول مهم ترین هیجانی که می بینی اینه که همه از یادآوری ۱۰ جون تنشون لرزیده... وقتی به خاطر تازه وارد بودنت هیچی از هیچی تو ۲ هفته نفهمیدی ... و بالاخره ۱۰ جون می آد و اتفاقا روز اولیه بعد از سه هفته که تو کم خوابی وحشتناک نداری و شادی و خلاصه می ری سر کار.. و ایمیل چک می کنی و می بینی همه از جمله مدیر گروهت و رئیس مدیر گروهت و خلاصه احتمالا نصف شرکت تمام آخر هفته رو صبح تا شب تا صبح کار کردن و تو میشینی فضول فضول تمام ایمیل ها رو می خونی و کم کم با کلی سرچ کردن و گوگل و ویکی و این حرفا بو می بری چه خبره و اوضاع چیه... و همه خلاصه قاطی اند و تو خجسته حالی... اون موقع لطفا هیجانتو کنترل کن! درسته خیلی خوشحالی که اینقدر عمیق و هیجان انگیز فضولی کرده ای و کلی چیز یاد گرفتی... لطفا جلوی زبونت رو بگیر! وقتی همه با قیافه شاکی می رن اتاق کنترل که قضیه رو جمع کنن، از جلوی دست و پا برو کنار... وقتی عصر بر می گردن و قضیه گند خورده و همه افسرده اند و تلنگر بزنی فحش می دن، با ذوق اعلام نکن که داشتی تمام این مدت فضولی می کردی و کلی سیستم رو با ایراد هاش و سختی هاش یاد گرفتی بس که بدبختی هاشون رو دنبال کردی، لطفا کلمه exciting رو به زبون نیار....
یا اگه خیلی اصرار داری، همه این کارها رو بکن.... بعید نیست به خاطر همین چیزها اینقدر اصرار به استخدامت داشتند....
On a warm January evening, he dropped me off at the airport!
I was leaving and he so wanted me to leave... And he so wanted me not to leave.. He tried hopelessly to escape from the moment, tried hardly to drag his friend so that he wouldn't be alone.. I kept on talking bullshit on the way, just to keep him calm. Didn't work.
I started repeating the same usual stuff. Couldn't help it. I so needed to ask him, to beg him to take care of himself.. to be happy....
I was fine, almost calm! Not that I had no feelings... I just had run out of all my feelings long ago...
I had left part of my love, part of my heart long ago and it was simply too late.. too late to take anything back... too late to forget anything... too late to change any of what I left... to change the fact that I had left a big part of my heart... so I was in peace with all of it...
We got to the airport... We hugged... Of course it was damn hard to leave piece of my heart again, but I was fine. I was even half thinking about my knee pain and the long flight...
I said goodbye and even I might have not said it . Then I took my red luggage and entered through the glass door. I saw the escalator and I knew I had to take those stairs. I was fine.. I was perfectly calm ... but for some reason my heart was pounding ilke crazy... I was walking towards the stairs and I was not looking back... Damn! I was not looking back... He was there and I was not looking back... I hated that I'm not looking back and I didn't look back... I was leaving and I was not looking back... I just knew in no hypothetical world, I would be allowed to look back... I wasn't looking back, but I just felt him standing there, felt it under my skin... and I was just not looking back...
I did not look back. So the time froze then. Part of the world stopped just there. There is a whole parallel frozen world where he is standing behind the glass door and I'm taking the stairs and I'm not looking back... Nothing is ever gonna change anything in that world...
Eventually at some point, I should forgive and you should not forget...
But right now, I haven't forgiven and you have forgotten...