آرام آرام.... سرشار می شوم..

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take

Walking by the river... where we used to walk together... It's colder than last year, the breeze keeps you on the edge... people running as usual and I'm listening to the music. The scenery in the light is different. It seems less poetic, more realistic, more compromising, even the clouds don't get you higher and higher.... 

I get to the "spot". The small pool that's been separated from the river by a drive way. Not many people run this small path.. Green tree leaves falling... I lean in by the fences, carrying a piece of wood stick... I lean in and listen to the music... "Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close and have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go" 

A big fish jumps out and in the water. Even if it was there that night, we probably couldn't see it in the dark. We might have just heard the sound water splashes. 

I play with my stick, listening to the music "You never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine". I was playing with another stick and he suddenly grabbed it and threw it in the water. I screamed joyfully and pretended that I wanted to jump into the water to get my stick back... 

It gets chilly. I hate summer, everything about summer is so wrong. I prefer winter evenings that you can stay there for as long as you want and sing out load and no one sees you nor hears you... There is a bench by the fences, under a tree. If you sit there, you have the perfect view of the skyline. I sit there, listening to the music... "Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it" 

I hate summer evenings.. In winter, the cold wind is a perfect excuse for a wet face, I reach out to my colorful wrap and wear it. 

"I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart"... Suddenly, all the memories get clear, I remember every single moment in a fraction of a second... The kiss that never happened... The hands that were never held... We couldn't see the fish jumping out and in the water in the dark... The summer heat was taking the breath away.. The puzzle is finally solved... 

Now the breeze makes me shiver... Tears don't let me find the wood stick by my side easily... I walk by the fences, lean in and throw the stick into the water...

It flows, and I keep on looking at it. I know it will be there as long as I stand there and look at it... I know it's getting dark pretty soon and I won't see it there anymore... I know that I can stare in the darkness to see the stick as long as I want... I walk away, come back, have one more last glance at it and leave.... 

:)

You know you're playing poker with the right people when they get sad an apologize for knocking you out! 

میان این همه تردید...

در تو می نگرم....

...

در تو می نگرم؟

And I forgive you, for being away for far too long

I wanted, I wanted you to stay

'Cause I needed,I need to hear you say

That I love you, I have loved you all along

And I forgive you, for being away for far too long

So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving

Hold on to me and never let me go...

که از جهان ره و رسم سفر براندازم...

Hopefully useless info on emotionally abusive relationships

Do you:

feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

feel emotionally numb or helpless? 

Does your partner:

humiliate or yell at you?

criticize you and put you down?

treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

blame you for their own abusive behavior?

see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Relationships where one of the partners is abusive and the other one is not

When we usually talk about emotional abuse, we refer to this kind of relationship. In the situation where only one of the partners is abusive, most of the times the abused partner is not aware of the abuse or is trying to make the other partner stop the abuse. The abused partner can accept the aggression because of being scared of leaving the relationship, because of the fact that he/she feels it deserves to be abused or because love feelings that prevent him/her from leaving their abusing partners. The only way in which the victim can contribute to the abuse is having too of an understanding attitude. 

 

B. Engel (The Emotionally Abusive Relationships, 2002) is defining this type of a relationship like this:

- one of the partners has gotten used to excuse the maliciousness and lack of respect from the other partner

- one of the partners is made to believe that he/she is always wrong and cannot trust is own perceptions, opinions, reactions and feelings

- one of the partners is blaming himself/herself everytime a problem occurs in the relationship

- the abusive partner will never take responsibility for a problem that occurred in the relationship.

1. He makes snide jokes at your expense. Although boorish and rude, the occasional zinger isn’t an automatic ticket to the Abusers Hall of Fame.  But aiming poison barbs in your direction and then brushing it off – like “Can’t you take a joke?” – shows a lack of respect. “It’s a sign of emotional distancing, which can very quickly turn into abuse,” 

2. The relationship is on the fast track.He’s infatuated with you and is already talking commitment. But slow down. A light-speed lothario often has something to hide, says relationship therapist Joyce Morley-Ball, Ed.D. (aka Dr. Joyce). If he’s quick to say “I love you” and soon makes plans for moving in, getting married and having a baby, he may be trying to lock up the relationship before you can see what he’s really about.  He knows you’re less likely to leave him after you get involved, she says. 

3. Nothing is ever his fault. That speeding ticket? The cop had it in for him. The job he lost? The boss had a grudge against him. The promotion he didn’t get? The woman who did must have been sleeping with the boss. Maybe your guy has the worst luck ever. Or consider this: The man who never takes responsibility for any of his actions may be quick to blame you when he ultimately loses control of his temper – and his fists. “If you hadn’t done _____, I wouldn’t have hit you.” If he can get you to believe it’s your fault, he’s off the hook in his mind. So take notice of his blame list – you could be next.

4. You’re always making excuses for his behavior. He’s tired. He had a hard week. He’s under a lot of pressure. He’s only like that when he’s had too much to drink. Sure, these excuses may explain the rare social gaffe and could, in fact, be true. But it could be a warning sign of abuse to come. If you’re regularly trying to explain away rude, violent or disrespectful behavior, you could be emotionally abused.  “There’s this wall of denial that we put up when we’re in a relationship, and we all do it to some extent,” Sugg says. “But you shouldn’t have to explain away someone else’s behavior.”  It’s just like a slap in the face, she says. “How many of those slaps would you take?” 

5. You bend over backward so he doesn’t get upset. Are you walking on eggshells because of his hair-trigger temper that erupts for everything big (a blown business deal) to small (his warm beer)? But you can’t keep the peace by being perfect because you can’t control his emotions, Dr. Joyce says. “His anger has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.” Chances are, no matter how hard you try to make things “perfect” – there’s no such thing, by the way – he’ll still find something that’ll set him off.  “If you’re living in fear of upsetting him because he’ll blow up in your face, understand that eventually he’ll blow up on your face,” Dr. Gilda says.

1) You're afraid to tell your partner about a normal happening - your car needs brakes, your boss made you work overtime - because you're not sure how he will react.

2) When you do talk to your significant other, he puts you down and makes you feel stupid.

3) You make yourself available to your partner no matter what the personal cost - just to avoid a confrontation.

4) You no longer want to bring your significant other around your friends or family because you're afraid he will berate you and humiliate you in front of your loved ones.

5) You've begun to believe that you're the crazy one -- that you're the one with the problem.

6) When talking about an accomplishment - a promotion or something equally exciting - your partner sneers at you, putting you down, mocking your achievement rather than celebrating it.

7) You feel helpless, like you're trapped in the relationship.

8) Your partner treats you like an object, like property, not like a person with real feelings.

9) Your partner keeps a tight control on all things: money, the phone, using the car, who you see and what you do.

10) If you fight back, your significant other blames you for the abusive behavior. "If you weren't so dumb, I wouldn't have to yell at you."

11) You've begun to see yourself as worthless -- just like your partner tells you you are.

12) You'll go out of your way to please your significant other, no matter how much you have to sacrifice. If that means staying up all night to wash the floor, so be it. It beats the "lecture."

13) You're in complete isolation. Your partner doesn't want you around your friends or family and has convinced you that THEY are the ones who are abusive to you - not him.

14) You've begun to feel as though you deserve to be treated badly. If you were a better person, you wouldn't make him so mad!

15) You find yourself having to rush to his defense whenever he is brought up in conversation. You make excuses for his behavior regardless of the situation.